Prompt: Coming Undone | Word Count: 1198 | Genre: Drama
Sister Friends
by T.R. Kisgen
We met during our sophomore year of high school. Both brunette and pretty, we got lots of attention from boys. Football games, dances, classes, our shared social scene, breaking curfew and more – our adventures and a shared sense of humor drew us together. We were best pals.
Maggie and I have been friends since 1985 but when I do the math, the number of years that have passed feels inconceivable. We began as teens together, and now we are in our forties, we are both married, have grown children, and may also share an illness: Multiple Sclerosis.
Maggie had a vision scare and saw double of everything. She’s been numb, is more than just tired, she is suffering with major fatigue and is foggy minded. When her eyes betrayed her, Maggie called the doctor. He mentioned MS, and she called me. Living with MS for the past decade, I was all too familiar with her symptoms.
I went with her to the MRI. Unlike me who would take a nap through the procedure, Mags is claustrophobic and took a Xanax to get through it. On the drive home, she asked me to give it to her straight. I told Maggie that it sounded like an 80% chance of this being MS. I also assured her life would improve upon diagnosis. Whereas I give myself shots 3 times per week, she will likely be given an oral pill. Her brain scan was on Friday so she had to get through the weekend not knowing.
Monday morning, Maggie got the call. Blood work was good/normal but the MRI scan showed spots on the brain. She was told to schedule an appointment with a neurologist for final diagnosis. I know that Maggie is showing classic symptoms of MS. We don’t have the final word but what else could it be? I am afraid for her but am not saying so.
I want Maggie to see me and believe that she can handle a new reality. The good news is that she will likely be treated with oral medication unlike the tri-weekly injections I give myself. Maggie is no good with needles and I would have to give her the shots. However, with research and clinical trials, more medications have become FDA approved and Maggie should be able to take a pill to control future relapses/progression of MS.
I was diagnosed in 2005 at the age of 35. Shortly after getting new glasses, my vision began to disappear in one eye. As a single mom there was no option but to work every day so I adapted and continued to drive my car. Pain became heavy and constant behind my eyeball and my brain seemed to slow down. I was going home the wrong way and not remembering conversations just minutes after they took place. My body was numb and I was falling into a nearly unconscious stupor every night. I knew something was wrong and when I told my mother about it, she was sure I was just tired. The thing was I had been getting plenty of sleep. Something wasn’t right.
Soon my vision went dark while at work. Thinking I was blind in one eye, I called the place where I bought my glasses. Their eye exams took place in the same building. I told the person answering phones what was happening and she put the ophthalmologist on the phone. The doctor told me to come see her immediately and not to drive. I hung up the phone, called my father and then told my boss.
My dad picked me up and we went to the eye doctor. She took a picture of my eye just as she had done at my last exam. She said there was a difference in my optic nerve. She gave me the name of another doctor and urged me to see him at my earliest convenience.
Maggie’s path is going smoother than mine but waiting another couple weeks until she can meet her neurologist is killing Maggie. In the meantime, I have encouraged Maggie to stay off the internet. In my case, there was no guidance and I searched the internet looking for something to match my symptoms. So before I found out that I had MS, the words “brain tumor” circulated in my head after reading too much. Maggie would have it better because she has me. I had no one. I felt alone.
There would be much testing before I finally met with my neurologist. I would go to different doctors and have dye run into my brain and behind my eye. I would have an ultrasound done on my eyeball. This procedure would require two people holding me down while a doctor did the deed. Only after my boss urged me to see a specialist did I find answers.
My boss had connections and took action on my behalf. After hearing the prognosis from my latest eye doctor that I “might have a virus”, Mr. Kent sent me to a Neuro-ophthalmologist at the biggest hospital in town. It was there that I underwent a series of pain free tests, including an MRI, and was told that I have Optic Neuritis. My optic nerve had become inflamed and that is what was hindering my vision. This condition would go away on its own but would be a recurring problem throughout my life. I was thrilled to find out that, 1) I was not going blind and 2) I did not have a brain tumor.
This kind older man then sent me to see a neurologist who specialized in Multiple Sclerosis and who happened to be his friend. I found out later that both of these doctors are very hard to make appointments with and I credit my boss to finding out what was wrong with me and getting me the help I so desperately needed.
Once diagnosed, I went through a period of depression. Giving myself shots and feeling sorry for myself went hand in hand. I had to accept the possibility that I could be crippled, or lose the ability to work. My whole life could change/had changed so quickly. After finding others with MS I have learned that disclosing the disease is a challenge unto itself.
I was lucky in that my boss was part of my diagnosis. There has never been a concern about losing employment due to this condition. Others I’ve met and have talked with online have revealed much anxiety over when or whether to tell their employers at all. Maggie is also fortunate because her boss knows what is going on and is fully supportive. It is especially difficult for people to learn they could become disabled when they are the breadwinners.
Maggie’s husband works out of town, so she is responsible for managing her household which means going to work every day and taking care of the house, the cars, her college girls, and two robust dogs. I want to help Maggie feel that she is in control of her mental state. I also want to remind her of her youth and of her health for she is the same person inside. I want her to know she is not alone. We are more than friends. We are like sisters.